Grandma said, “Your Grandpa never paid any mind to the way I fixed my hair, or what kind of clothing I wore. His only concern was that I kept my feet immaculate.”

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She said, “But the worst thing he ever did was give my Ouiji board to them niggers up the street. He was afraid I’d call up his rival, Eric, who’d been dead for thirty years by then; shot himself in the heart with a rifle after I ran off and tied the knot with you-know-who.”

Just then, through an open window, a starling entered the dining room and flew headlong into the sideboard Grandpa built her.

That’s when the old girl shut her eyes, sticking her tongue out.